My mother Influence:
Several years ago the small group I
led at our church started a Bible study at the Lake County Jail. The book we
used was the “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. The first sentence in the
first chapter reads, “It’s not about you.” The first time I read this sentence,
I thought of my mother. She taught me that it’s not about me but others. It was
a lesson that has taken me a life time to learn and I’m still learning it.
Over the course of my life I have
been selfish, self absorbed and self centered. But the older I get the more I come
to understand the example mom set for me. She, from as far back as I can
remember, gave of herself. Unlike so many people I've known, mom gave without
expecting anything back. She gave when even people she loved treated her
poorly. It’s a trait that I've had to work very hard to emulate. Very often her
example pushes me through those times when I want it to be “it’s all about me.”
This is not to say mom was a
perfect woman by any stretch. She had a
stubborn streak. When she got set on something, heaven and earth would move but
not her. But her way of getting her way was quiet and persistent. Sometimes she
would use someone close to her to facilitate her wishes. I’d often get a call
from dad or someone else who would, after beating around the bush, tell me what
mom wanted. Mom was one of those people I very rarely turned down. There is a
special relationship between mothers and their sons.
One of her ways of making her point
was her razor sharp tongue and her subtle way of using it. It often caused me to laugh even while I was
angry with her. She would say something that seemed nice or complimentary but a
few days or weeks after, what she meant would really sink in. I’d be working in
the garden and all of a sudden my head would fall off as I realized her compliment
was really a zinger. Her razor sharp tongue had struck again. I have often
tried to imitate her in this but just don’t have her delivery.
My dad and mother were always there
to help relatives and friends in need. I remember how over the years she would
clean the house, cook and do laundry for family and friends who were sick or in
need. She lived “it’s not about me.” When others made it, “it’s all about me”
she never, to my knowledge, gave into being self-centered or self-serving. My mother had a unique ability to forgive and
only saw the good in people even those who treated her poorly.
Where my dad was an in your face
“you got to hit’em between the eyes” Christian, my mother was a quiet example
of the faith. Where my dad struggled with forgiveness, my mother forgave
easily. Where my dad could walk into a room and in five minutes know everyone,
mom was shy and took a long time to be comfortable around people. It was very hard for her to meet someone for the first time. But when she got to know
them, they were friends for life and she had some very interesting friends. She
never judged them. She accepted them with all their interesting traits and
foibles. Over the years I have tried to be like her in this regard but have never come close to her ability to accept people just as they are. Though I try to be accepting I’m still rather
judgmental.
Closing
My mother
and father taught me how to sacrifice themselves for others. I think the one
thing they did that best exemplifies their sacrificial attitude was their
religiously visiting my uncle who had been placed in the Kankakee State
hospital early in his life. They persisted in visiting him throughout his life
time taking their turn. Then as life and family issues caused some to stop
visiting him they persisted in visiting at least once or sometimes even twice a
month. I remember how over the course of two years I had one weekend free a
month and would invite mom and dad to come on Sunday only to be told occasionally
it was their day to go to Kankakee. One particular Saturday mom told me they couldn't come because it was their Sunday to visit my uncle. I got really mad
and voiced my anger to her. She got mad right back and told me in no uncertain
terms how blessed I was to have all I have while he had nothing but their visits.
I felt about 1/8” of an inch tall by the time she was finished.
Dad and mom were first and foremost a couple who desperately wanted to lead people to the Lord. They volunteered at the Seaman’s Mission at the Port of Chicago. They went once a week and sometimes twice for several years. Mom would stay in the Mission and run
the store and visit with the sailors who came in while dad would visit the ships giving out
Bibles. They truly lived their faith and showed it by their works. Dad held a job
in a factory as a machinist and worked among men who read every type of girly magazine available, who swore and told off color jokes. Yet in the midst of all this, he kept his
Bible out on his work station. He read it at break and lunch and he led many of
his fellow workers to the Lord.
Both mom and dad witnessed incessantly to
relatives, sometimes to the point of distraction. Some stopped coming over to visit them because of their witnessing. But they never stopped trying to bring people they loved to Christ. Some have
questioned the telling of my father’s faults. But my dad’s relationship with the
Lord was strong as was my mother’s. My dad especially knew beyond any doubt
that though others would not forgive him, his Lord and Savior would, as the old
song “Just As I Am” says,
Just
as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bids me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am, Thy love unknown
Hath broken every barrier down;
Now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am, of that free love
The breadth, length, depth, and height to prove,
Here for a season, then above,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!
My mother had the same strong faith. Both wanted nothing
more in life after being saved than to lead others to the Lord. I know and
believe that my father would be very happy if his story would result in just
one person coming to the faith, as would my mother.
It is my
sincere hope and prayer that those who read this will come to know the Lord whose
grace and mercy saved my father and mother. I know they would love to know that
those who once rejected the faith would finally now come to know the Lord they
knew and accept His grace and mercy.
Personal Note: These
last three blogs have been one of the hardest things I've ever written. Its
brought back some very wonderful memories and some very bad ones. But in the
end it for all it cost it is worth it. I have remembered the greatness that was
my parents and so much more. I have learned again how things really are and it doesn't matter. I know that to honor my
mother and father and my Lord and Savior even if I cannot forget I can still
forgive and move on. My faith walk here is a long journey with a known end.
Next the easy things like why I think much of evolution is a
crock, why I believe the Bible, and my political beliefs, (which will probably
surprise a whole lot of people.). And throughout it all why I question
everything.
