THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE

A Perspective

Chapter 1: It All Starts with God, continued

“You were made by God and for God – and until you understand that life will never make sense. It is only in God that we discover our origin, or identity, or meaning, or purpose, our significance, and our destiny. Every other path leads to a dead end.”

In the mid-90s I started reading my Bible again. Though I had never lost my faith during my selfish self-centered phase I didn’t go to church nor did I read the Bible, big mistake. When I started reading the Bible I started with my favorite book, Romans. And I stumbled across Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good to those who are called according to his purpose.” The first thing that hit me was those two little words “all things”. That means that every experience of my life whether it’s good or bad can be used by God. The second thing that hit me was the phrase, “to those who are called according to his purpose” God has a plan for each of us but until we understand that he has a plan all of the things that happen to us are just things that happen to us. But, when we realize that God’s plan can take every single situation and use it for his good purpose then and only then does our life have true meaning.

Nothing brought that home more to me than my son Brian and my daughter-in-law Kelly. In 2008 my granddaughter Cailinn was born. She suffered chromosomal anomalies that would make her severely retarded. Both Kelly and Brian could’ve felt sorry for themselves and asked that proverbial question, “why us?” But they didn’t they chose to be parents to a special needs child. And God has used both Kelly and Brian to help other parents who have special needs children. Kelly now is a peer to new special-needs parents, she helps doctors at the hospital understand what parents are going through. And Brian relates to the men who have special needs kids. Do they hurt? Yes, but they do not let their pain stop them from doing good to others. God has a purpose for their lives and for Cailinn. Cailinn, has brought all of us so much joy. She’s growing a little more every day in ways that we never thought possible. God has a purpose for her also. What is God’s purpose for you? You have one you know.

               

THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE
A PERSPECTIVE

 Chapter 1: IT ALL STARTS WITH GOD

Over the several months I’m going to be using The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren as my source. I have found the principles in this book very helpful in maintaining a positive focus. Though I haven’t read it since my men’s group, First Light, went through it in 2008 as part of our jail ministry I have try very hard to use these principles in my everyday life.

The first part of this book is called, “What on Earth Am I Here For” this question has plagued me since coming back from Vietnam. Frankly, I had trouble understanding why I survived. While others who were very close to me in proximity were wounded or killed. One of our favorite shows in the 70's was, “Barney Miller”. In one episode Captain Miller asked one of his detectives why the sperm whale the largest mammal in the world eats nothing but plankton. The detective replied that he didn’t know why. Miller said "because that’s the way it is". He went on to explain that some things just are. Things just happened. And that’s the way it is. That answer worked for me for many years. But in the back of my mind I knew I needed more.

In early 2003 I let a small group through the Purpose Driven Life book. Going through this book made me realize that the statement, “that’s the way it is” is wrong. God has a purpose for each one of us. He can use everything in our lives both good and horrible to make us into better people. If we allow it. It is true we live in a sin sick world. We are a fallen creation. And each one of us has done things in our lives of which we are not proud. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people while horrible people seem to catch every break. It’s hard to understand. Yet, God is in control and has a plan that is being worked out in each one of our lives. But, we having freewill have a choice to make. Do we allow God to use our circumstances both good and bad to grow us or do we allow them to destroy us?

The first sentence in the first chapter says it all, “It’s not about you.”  That one little four word sentence has changed a lot of lives over the years. As one of the inmates said at our county jail men’s group, “What do you mean it’s not about me? Making it all about me is how I lived my life.” And then he paused for a bit and he said, “Making about me as landed me in jail and prison, it cost me my family, my three children, every job I ever had and is sending me away now for another three years in the state penitentiary.” So, the question is what has making it all about you gotten you?

OTHERS NOT SELF

Looking back over my life from the vantage point of my age, (72) I find that the happiest times, the best times were those times when I was involved with helping others. In fact, when I was suffering PTSD and when I still suffer it I find focusing on the needs of others relieves many of my symptoms. Even when the symptoms don’t go away I find I feel much better when I’m concentrating on the needs of other people.

That’s why I put on the face of my challenge coin my motto, “others not self”. There is a tendency in each of us especially when we feel bad to focus inward, to dwell on our own problems. It’s natural. Our minds when focus inward, in my opinion magnify our problems whether physical or psychological. However, when our mind is focused on something greater than ourselves those problems diminish tremendously. Why? I firmly believe that it is a gift of God. I believe that it is the way God designed us. Or maybe it’s a natural law that those who put others first find relief. Or maybe it’s when we concentrate on the needs of others our problems diminish because we recognize the pain in others that may be worse than our own pain. Or maybe we just too busy to think of our own issues our own pain. Whatever is whatever you choose to believe I know beyond any question that when we concentrate on others and ourselves we diminish our own psychological and physical pain.

Sadly is I was going through PTSD in my 20s 30s 40s and yes even in the my 50s I never had the wisdom to realize that the times that I felt better, the times that I felt better in regards to the PTSD were those times when I was concentrating on my dad’s cancer, my mother’s stroke, my mother-in-law’s rheumatoid arthritis, talking at grade schools, high schools and colleges about the Medal of Honor, being bullied. All of these things took the focus off of me and put it on something bigger than myself and by doing that my depression, my anger all of it diminished. My wife Susie, she who must be obeyed, often tells me I dwell too much in the past and I suppose I do. But, I continuously find myself being angry that I didn’t know any of this until I was in my late 50s. Which is why I suppose I want to share this with you the reader. I’m hoping that you can learn from my experience. You don’t have to go through the things that I went through, not that I went through that much I am blessed with two functioning arms, two functioning legs, a functioning mind, and pretty good health. Most of my aches and pains are from age and thinking that I was going to be 19 forever. Had I known then what I know now my PTSD would not have gone on as it did. I would’ve had tools to fight effectively.

I know this God has a plan for you if and only if you will allow it. You have a choice you can choose to fight the enemy PTSD. You can choose others not self or you can go down a very negative path that leads only to destruction. In the end as with me the choice is yours.

Fighting the Dragon

I think I should explain why I refuse to call post-traumatic stress disorder, post-traumatic stress. I know that this will make some uncomfortable and I understand that. This is my personal choice. and these are my reasons. If you need to call it post traumatic stress by all means do so.

I believe that PTSD is our mortal enemy and we must face it as such. I don’t think that we can beat the enemy by giving it a nice name. I know some find the word “disorder” to be repugnant. I don’t. Frankly, post –traumatic stress is a disorder. Whether we like it or not. To quote a phrase you can dress a pig up in a $1500 suit but it is still a pig. Calling PTSD by a politically correct name does not take away from the fact that it destroys our lives. I think we have to call it what it is.

I believe we must use every means necessary to defeat it every time it raises its ugly head. Just like we would any enemy on any battlefield. Our battlefield is a battlefield of the mind, of the emotion but it is still a battlefield. I don’t want PTSD to sound nice. I’ve even gone so far as to personalize it. For me it is the Dragon PTSD or just the Dragon. I call it the Dragon because it wants to devour me and everything I have and everything I love. And like the dragons of folklore the PTSD Dragon is greedy. It wants every single part of us, every single thing we have that makes us a good, productive, loving person.

If it is to be defeated, we must use every tool we have available. Those inside ourselves and those outside ourselves, i.e. therapy, support groups, and yes if we have to medication. I believe firmly that God, if we allow Him, will provide us with everything we need to beat this condition. We can subdue it and we can beat it every time it rears its ugly head. God’s promise to us is that he will never let us be tested more than we are able to endure. It is by his mercy and by his grace that he will meet all of our needs. 

The one thing I liked best about being a lower ranking soldier is most of the time I never knew what the commanding officer had planned much less the general. Being just an enlisted man, I saluted smartly said yes sir three bags full and obeyed the orders. Sometimes, I didn’t understand why we had to train a certain way especially when it was really tough. But then in combat I understood.

We don’t have to know why God allows things to happen to us through his permissive will. We just have to have faith that he has a good plan for us. If we allow that plan to be worked out. I know one thing for sure, “all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.”