The Unexamined Belief System - Why I'm a Christian Part I

The unexamined Belief System is not worth Believing:

Why I'm a Christian Part 1:

Introduction:

It has taken me many years to become a follower of Jesus Christ. My journey to the faith began with many starts, stops and false trails. As a youth our family was deist more than anything. We had a belief in god but not God.  Growing up we attended churches but were never really involved in learning about whom or what God is and what if anything He demands. Church was something we did because we were good people and good people attended church. I attended Sunday school occasionally but never really understood what I was doing there. Except that it was a part of church for little kids.  I remember going to a church when we lived at Ely's Trailer Camp in Homewood I was part of a children's choir and learned Rock of Ages but that was it.  

I remember sitting in church as a young boy feeling bored out of my mind. It seemed time in church slowed down so that minutes seemed like days. When I was old enough my parents allowed me to wander around Valparaiso or get a soda at the soda shop while they attended church. This was after Sunday school which preceded church for both adults and children.   

In 1960 we converted to Roman Catholicism I learned about the faith from Father Naughton at St. Jude in South Holland. He taught me that the Catholic Church traced its history all the way back to St. Peter who was the first Pope. He taught me about why and how the Mass was conducted; about the history of the church and the Stations of the Cross among so many other things. I was taught the Mass was in Latin because no matter where I went in the world I could walk into any church and know what was being said simply by looking at my Sunday Missal. Father Naughton taught me that the church had been the same for over one thousand years and because it was the true faith it never had nor never would change. For me it was the perfect church. The rules were clear and redemption was assured. Confession and absolution made sinning something that was bad but fairly easily forgiven with a good act of contrition and penance. For a teenage boy it was sin then go to confession, say a good act of contrition, and then do your penance, take communion and you were good to go. Simple, easy and it made sense to me.

After I graduated from high school I enlisted in the Army and church became a means of getting out of things. We were allowed to go to confession on Saturday night and Mass on Sunday throughout basic training. It was a great way to avoid details and we could get out of the barracks for a few hours.  In November of 1965 I ended up in Germany after dropping out of Officer Candidate School. While I was in Berlin Germany I volunteered for combat Vietnam. It was in Vietnam that I really started to search for the truth about God. Combat and the stench of death have a way of making one consider what happens next.  I attended combat Mass regularly. We had a good down to earth priest who came out after a firefight and before we went on a mission. I liked him. His sermons were more talks and encouragement.  He would say the Mass give a short homily and spend time with us then leave.

While in Vietnam I wore a St. Christopher’s medal, a scapula and a rosary around my neck. I said my rosary almost every night when I wasn't on OP (observation post) or ambush. I read the bible which I carried over my heart. But I also read the sayings of the Buddha, Confuses and Mao. I read the “Little Red Book” the sayings of Chairman Mao quite a lot. 

In January or February of 1968 I was transferred to the rear detachment at An Khe because I was put in for the Medal of Honor for action on December 15, 1967.  One of the other men who was in the rear was into Scientology.  We became friends and he started to talk to me about how he started to study Scientology. He loaned me his book “Dianetics” by Ron L Hubbard I read it and was fascinated with its approach to becoming a better more self actualized person. One not weighted down by life’s traumas. When I got to Fort Hood Texas after Vietnam I went to the Scientology Center in Austin and bought the book for myself. I read it over and over again I studied Scientology until the early seventies when I realized it was a bunch of crap.

I had an unshakable feeling that there had to be something more than the legalism of the Church that something was missing in my life. I loved the simplicity of just doing what the church said I didn't have to read the bible or even learn about it the church did it all for me. All I had to do to be saved was to obey the laws of the church and attend mass and make my Easter duty. But then I got back from Vietnam and everything I knew and loved about the church had changed. Saint Christopher was no longer a Saint! His medal that I wore around my neck was nothing! I had the feeling that somewhere in heaven Saint Chris was having coffee when some angel walked up to him and threw him out. The Mass had changed the altar now faced the people as did the priest. The Mass was in English and there were guitar Masses. Gone was the holiness and mystery of the Mass. I was deeply troubled something cannot be both true and false at the same time.

If the church is true then it doesn't change to fit the norms of society if it does change can it be true? My answer was simple like everything else man made the church was flawed. And in my mind everything I was taught by Father Naughton was suspect. It was simple, for me perfection is forever it doesn't change. If the church changes it’s not perfect. If it’s not perfect it is imperfect and what I was taught was false.  If the Pope is infallible when he speaks ex catherda, then what he says concerning matters of faith is considered the word of God and is binding on earth. However if the pope in the early church made the mass one way and confession one way and another pope changed it is the pope really infallible. I knew that something cannot be both true and false at the same time. I also knew that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow we change He doesn't. All of this caused questions to arise about my Catholic faith I started to have doubts.

It was during this time that I started to read about spiritualism.  I read some of Edgar Cayce’s books. I read Jean Dixon’s books and prophecies. I became fascinated with books about lost continents and civilizations. I even read the Book of Mormon or parts of it. I still attended Mass and read the bible but nothing really made sense to me anymore.

My search for God really got serious while I was at Fort Hood. I don't recall a time when my heart cried out more for God than that 9 months at Fort Hood. Occasionally I walked through a field on my way back from town. It was on a mowed slope I could lay on my back see the lights of Fort Hood and the stars and moon spread across the sky it was beautiful. Occasionally I would lie on my back in the middle of it and look up at the stars, smoke a cigarette and pray. I really wanted to discover who Jesus is.

I even went to a “Serviceman’s Center” to talk to one of the men there about Christ. I wasn't impressed with his ability to explain the why of the faith. The Why of everything is very important to me. So I determined to find out for myself who and what Jesus is or was. I read the “Passover Plot” and “The Incredible Christians” two popular books at the time that argued against Christ and Christians. I read them as a counter point to some pamphlets, papers and books I read. But none of them really spoke to me.Yet, the great Why still pushed me to learn more and read more about God and gods.

It was a confusing time for me. I remember one inspection where my lieutenant looked in my foot locker and was shocked to find my Bible neatly stacked on top of my Penthouse. I’ll never forget the look of horror as he asked me, “What in the Hell are you thinking Sergeant Lynch! How can you put a the Bible on top of that filth?” I don’t remember what I said but I do remember him shaking his head as he walked out of the room. I passed the inspection though.

I got out of the service in 1969 and went back to Dolton Illinois where I found a job working for UPS. I didn't fit in with the company and after one particularly hard day I quit. I tried several times to get my old job back at Libby McNeal and Libby the place I worked before going into the Army. I remember going in several times to apply for a job and after being told there were no jobs available by the personal secretary, my future wife Susan. I tried one last time and I was hired seems I had re-employment rights. Over the next several months I kept running into Susan in the plant and after seeing her several times we started dating.

We fell in love and got married. During our courtship Susan asked me to attend church with her at the Ivanhoe Methodist Church she attended. I started to attend church with her regularly in the months before we got married. On April 25 1970 we were later married by Reverend Sheppard the pastor.  I started to learn about Jesus and what His death on the cross really meant. I studied the bible more and learn about God the Father and his plan for redemption.

Attending church with Susan was the start of my walk of faith. Over the last many years I've fallen and walked away from the church. But I've never walked away from God or his Son. In the back of my mind as I've gone through all my various failings and stubbornness I have always known that God is at work in my life.

NEXT THE JOURNEY CONTINUES